Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks Review

Platform: Xbox, PlayStation 2

That's right, be afraid... be very afraid. Mortal Kombat is trying something deceptively similar to the failed mini-series that landed Sub-Zero his own side quest. Don't worry though, I'll tell you whether or not you will despise this game so accurately I could give Miss Cleo a run for her money. So... keep reading.

Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks is on the Xbox and PS2. The good news-bad news scenario is that it doesn't really matter which system you buy the game for; the specs weren't exactly pushed to the limits.

Though Mortal Kombat is known almost exclusively for their fighting games, don't be fooled. This game is more like a 3-D action adventure. You can play it by yourself or with a friend, but I recommend that if you plan on playing it at all, do so with a buddy. Almost all of the unlockable features in the game (and there are a "Krap" load) are reserved for those who play the game's Ko-Op mode. The difficulty level, to put it lightly, is uneven, but the game play is not hinged on difficulty so it doesn't really stand in the way.

Another brilliant question. To be quite honest, I liked the game. But as an objective reviewer, I think it only appeals to a small crowd of gamers. Truth be told, there are many better games of this format out there. With that said, Mortal Kombat does have a huge appeal to some folks, and I'll tell you below how to find out if you're one of them...

A Simple Test to Decide Whether or Not You Should Own Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks as Part of Your Kollection:

(Pick the answers that best apply and keep score.)

At any point during this review, did you chuckle to yourself at the misspelled "K" words?

"Yes." = 5 points

"No, but I got the reference." = 3 points

"No, I just thought you were illiterate." = 0 points

How would you rate your fandom of the Mortal Kombat series?

"I once sat through an entire episode of the cartoon... and liked it" = 5 points

"I played them (and liked them) in the arcades." = 3 points

"I played them (and liked them) on the consoles." = 2 points

"I was never really into the series." = 0 points

Do you remember any of the fatality button combos?

"Yes." = 5 points

"No, but I really like the one where Scorpion takes off his mask and scorches the dude!" = 3 points

"No." = 0 points

Do you remember the rumors about being able to knock your opponents into the hooks of the Deadpool level of MK2? How about the freaky living trees in the Living Forest Stage?

"I remember them both" = 5 points

"I remember one of them." = 3 points

"What the deuce are you talking about?" = 0 points

Did you ever play Mortal Kombat's spin off for the PS one called Sub-Zero Mythologies?

"Yeah. It sucked." = 5 points

"No, but I heard it sucked." = Also acceptable for 5 points

"I've never heard of it, but it probably sucks." = 3 points

"I played it and I kinda liked it." = 0 points and a trip to the inner-most circle of Hell, which is reserved for people who liked that game, serial killers, mouth breathers, and people who talk at the movie theater.

25-18: Grab a friend and buy the game. Then apologize for grabbing your friend, and convince them to come over and play the game with you.

17-10: Rent the game for a weekend and throw a Mortal Kombat-themed party for those of your friends who also share fond memories of the series. Uncharacteristically for myself, I recommend you not drink alcohol at this party, unless you like trying to recreate some of the very dangerous fatalities in your front lawn.

9-1: Don't worry about playing this game. It's not really up your alley, but don't feel bad. At least that means that you're less of a nerd than I am.

0: So apparently you answered Question #5 and scored a zero... May Satan show mercy on your soul. Say hello to Fran Drescher and Fred Durst when they get there.

Well, this game was made almost exclusively for the fanboy types, which isn't to say it's bad, just not a stand alone kind of game. It relies heavily on having at least some knowledge of the older games, specifically the original Mortal Kombat and its sequel. The reason I say this is because it has most of the flaws of the older Mortal Kombat games but it seems to be done on purpose. The older titles have always had that slap-stick kind of humor and cheesy production value feel, but that's one of the things that made it so hugely popular. So, as you may have deduced from the survey, if you can't take the cheese, get out of the kitchen.

Thanks for Reading,

Doctor Gonzo

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